Helping Republicans Explain Why They are Not Going to the Convention

The New York Times has a great story on the reasons Republican leaders are giving for not going to their convention.  Link here.

Closely reflecting my own feelings, but perhaps with more ambivalence, is my favorite explanation which comes from Sen Lindsey Graham:  “I’m sure it will be fun, I’m sure it will be entertaining .  .   .   And I can watch it on TV.”

As a public service, and with the purest of motives, this website is offering additional suggestions for those seeking to explain their planned lack of attendance.

“The dog ate my invitation.”

“The dog ate my absentee ballot.”

“I have to take care of my goats.”  (This is based on my uncle’s actual explanation of why he could not attend the second wedding of my mother, his sister.)

“I am worried about catching the Zika virus.”

“My health insurance would not cover me in in Ohio.”

“I am not willing to pay overtime to the family caregivers.”

“I had a reservation on Trump airlines, but it went out of business.”

“I spent all my money on the real estate seminar.”

“I am too busy investigating Bengazi”

“I am checking out my property in Azerbaijan.”

“I am busy applying for a job at the Trump Casino

“I am building a big beautiful and huge wall around the state.”

“Off negotiating to buy Hadrian’s Wall to bring to the US.”

“I can’t come because our nanny has been deported.”

“I have a date with Megyn Kelly.”

“Taking an acting class to do a better job of making fun of those with physical challenges.” (If you are not sickened by Trump here, I have no sympathy.)

“Have to be in court to represent (threatener.)”

“Busy writing  last minute checks to veterans.”

“My wife (third, I think), wants a divorce.

“Shopping with David Duke for a new hooded white robe.”

“Got cheap golf club playing slots.”

“I’m going to a cool aid party in Guyana with Mitt Romney.’

“I have an interview with the Canadian Immigration Service.

That’s probably the right one to end on, for now.  Please make additional suggestions in the comments.  I will approve the best.

 

Advertisements